


The Pickle Incident

by thecarlonethatalsowrites



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Inspired By Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 02:45:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5440571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites/pseuds/thecarlonethatalsowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla gets in a bit of a pickle</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pickle Incident

**Author's Note:**

> its quick and trash but take it

She’d been listening to her girlfriend struggle for about ten minutes now. The whole time she sat in the living room, smirking into her book but listening intently to the grunts coming from the kitchen. She was actually still on the same page she had been on since she noticed Laura struggling and spewing profanities.

“Damn pickle jar.” Her smirk grew wider as she caught Laura’s latest muttered curse. They hadn’t started out that...vulgar. If _son of a biscuit_ and _gosh darn_ it could be considered crass at all. Laura was cursing up a storm compared to how she started. Carmilla chuckled quietly at the thought.

“I can hear you laughing at me, Carmilla!” Laura raised her voice and Carmilla had to bite back full blown laughter. “Get in her and help me, you useless vampire!” Groaning for effect Carmilla set her book aside and hauled herself off the couch and into the kitchen.

Laura was standing with her back to the door near the sink, hunched over herself and the jumbo sized pickle jar. Carmilla sidled up behind her and wrapped the tiny human in a hug, kissing her cheek.

“You called, cupcake?” She said, adopting a tone of false innocence.

“Pet names will not save you from my wrath. I know you’ve been ignoring me. Probably to irritate me.” Laura scoffed. Carmilla grinned and nuzzled into her neck despite Laura’s words.

“And what is it that you require.” Carmilla purred. Laura groaned and wriggled in Carmilla’s arms until they were face to face, pressed up against each other. She was barely concealing a smile. Carmilla grinned and went in to peck her on the lips when Laura held up the pickle jar. Carmilla’s nose bumped into the glass and Laura giggled.

“Could you open this, dear?” Carmilla scowled and let go of Laura. “I’ve tried everything- running hot water over it, hitting it on the counter. _Everything_ , Carm.”

“Why do you need pickles so badly.” She took the jar gently as she asked.

“I wanted to make Danny a pickle sandwich. She’s coming home soon and texted me that she was having a rough day.” Carmilla was well aware. Bree Van de Kamp had been texting her as well. Before they started dating Carmilla never would have guessed that she was so needy. But she was, and as much as she hated to admit it Carmilla found it endearing.

“With peanut butter?” She suppressed a shudder as Laura nodded. Both Danny and Laura enjoyed pickle and peanut butter sandwiches. Carmilla tolerated their habits, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t disgusted by it. Her girlfriends were so gross. “Ew. You’re getting that. And I’m pretty sure it’s on the top shelf of the pantry; you know how Danny hoards the stuff.” A bit of payback, she thought to herself as Laura huffed and went off to grab a stool.

“You’re mean, Carm.” Laura stuck out her tongue. Carmilla blew her a kiss in return, then turned to the pickle jar.

“Laura, which way were you turning it?” She yelled. Laura didn’t respond. “I think it was the wrong way.” Carmilla gently tugged at the lid, cautious with her strength, but Laura’s efforts seemed to have made the lid even tighter and Carmilla couldn’t turn it an inch. She hummed angrily and shook the jar before turning it harder. Still the lid did not budge. Carmilla growled, and only vaguely registered the sound of the front door slamming. Laura called triumphantly in the background, but all of Carmilla’s concentration was on the pickle jar. She snarled, finally snapping after a fourth failed attempt and wrenched at the lid with all of her strength. The glass shattered and Carmilla howled as it bit painfully into her palms. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. Her fangs were out as a defensive reflex as she held two parts of what was once the pickle jar, one in each hand, while pickles, glass and blood fell onto the floor and pickle juice soaked her entire front.

Once Carmilla registered what she did, her jaw dropped incredulously. It had been a long time since she lost control of her strength, since it had betrayed her so utterly.

A muffled laugh from the kitchen doorway made Carmilla tear her eyes away from the carnage. Sure enough, there was Danny, a hand over her mouth and her face so red it matched her hair and she looked like she was about to explode. Her eyes were glassy with tears of laughter and Laura was in no better condition from where she peeked around their girlfriend. She was biting her lip to keep herself from laughing. They beheld the bloodied, pickle juice soaked Carmilla in all of her wide eyed dropped jawed glory.

“If I knew your weakness was pickle jars I’d have used them on you way earlier.” Danny managed to choke out before breaking down into howls of laughter. Laura laughed too, although it was obvious that she was trying not too. Carmilla got a better view of her as Danny doubled over to clutch her stomach. Carmilla’s jaw snapped shut with an audible click, which seemed to sober Laura.

“Why have you betrayed me?” She whispered to herself, sending Danny into another round of giggles. “This is _not_ funny.” She hissed louder, which only made Danny laugh harder. Laura clamped her hand over her mouth.

“It really is!” Danny cackled. “Oh this is too perfect.”

“And I suppose you’re going to leave me to clean this up?”

“Yep!”

* * *

 

That was supposed to be the end if it. It should have been, would have been, if the instagram notification hadn’t popped up on Carmilla’s phone. She unlocked it to view the post she was tagged in by summerhuntress.

“Oh god why.” She whispered as she saw the three photos. The first was her standing covered in pickle juice and blood, staring dumbly at her hands. The second featured the same dumbfound expression, except it was focused on the camera. The third was a glare, which would have been terrifying if the circumstances were different.

 **“** DANNY!” Carmilla hollered, only to hear the muffled giggles of her girlfriends through the wall.


End file.
